For those of you who don’t read…
I’m no longer a telemarketer. If you’re interested, follow my new, personal, less interesting blog at whymustusernamesbeclever.tumblr.com
I’m leaving this page up for all the future telemarketers to read.
Its been a good run, but…
I’m no longer a telemarketer as of the time this post is published. Seeing as that means I have no right to continue posting as a telemarketer after that, I’m ending this blog. I think I’m going to reassign it’s email and start blogging under a new name, so the page can continue to exist, or perhaps I will just change this blog’s title and continue under here. It’s unfortunate that this is not a sideblog. Either way, keep calling and carry on.
*click*
| Me: | Hello, 'Joe'? |
|---|---|
| 'Joe': | Hey. |
| Me: | Great to get a hold of you, my names 'Me', and I'm hired by 'some police organization'. How are you doing today? |
| 'Joe': | Are you calling to arrest me? |
| Me: | No no, nothing like that. We're calling for fundraising for the organization. |
| 'Joe': | Oh, so if I donate you won't arrest me? |
| Me: | If you've done something illegal, the police will still arrest you. Otherwise, no, they will not. Have you? |
| 'Joe': | Why yes, but I haven't been caught. |
| Me: | That's great to hear 'Joe'! Probably bad for society but who cares?! Let me tell you a bit about the association... |
| *click* |
I talked to a man today…
who had a British accent that was so snobby that my unworthy ears simply could not understand him.
I talked to a man named Mr. Wright today…
He divorced his wife. Well played, Mr. Wright.
Sugardaddy
Me: Hello, “Mr. Marvis”?
Man: Please, call me Sugardaddy.
Me: That’s your name..?
Sugardaddy: Has been since 1978.
Me: …what?
*click*
Hello, this is the Angry Telemarketer…
…hired by the National Poop association. How are you today?
Great! Since 1969, the NPA has been promoting the important role that poop plays in modern society. We are calling today as a public service to remind you to always poop in the toilet; the NSA is having their annual fundraiser. The money raised will go towards better toilets and toilet paper for everyone who poops. As a paid caller with the NSA, we are calling in hopes that we can count on your one-time, tax deductible donation for the drive. Our top “Pooper Trooper” sponsorships are 3 shits, 2 shits, or 1 shit. Can you help us out with one of these?
submitted by: Extrospectrum
I was talking to my boss today…
He told me that he doesn’t go to strip clubs because he doesn’t get paid enough to make it rain. He makes it hail. Pretty deep for a strip club joke. Well played, Bossman
I talked to a woman who told me…
…if I was calling for a fund working against police racism and brutality she would donate, instead of the police fund I was calling for. Score one for society.
Messing with telemarketers: episode 2
Me: Hello.
Telemarketer: May I speak to the owner of the house please?
Me: Banana.
Telemarketer: um, what?
Me: Pear.
Telemarketer: I’m calling from Air Duct Cleaning Services and are you the owner of the—
Me: Grapefruit.
Telemarketer: What are you—
Me: Apple.
Telemarketer: Why are y—
Me: Plum!
Telemarketer: Can you hear me? I’m looking for the owner of the—
Me: Orange?
Telemarketer: Hello? Hello?
Me: Mangos.
Telemarketer: THE OWNER OF THE—
Me: KIWI! KIWI! KIWI!!!
Telemarketer: What are you…Would you stop—
Me: NECTARINE!!! NECTARINE!!! NECTARINE!!!!
Telemarketer: (hangs up).
Me: Victory by fruit.
Why are people never this funny to me?
me: *sleeping*
phone: *RING RING BITCH*
me: (thinking) it’s my mom… *gets up and answers phone* “Hello?”
phone: Hey! Are you interesting in possibly buying…
me: How about you go to the roof, and jump… You woke me up…
phone: It’s 3 pm?
me: suck a dick. *hangs up*
Fucking telemarketers.
Literally FIVE different telemarketers called in the last 20 minutes. Fucking hell. Go fuck off.
No.
Pretty Good
Me: Hey, ‘John’?
‘John’: How are ya?
Me: I’m doing well, how are you?
‘John’: Eh…I’m…preeeetty gooooood.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_a3bUiYTO0E
| Me: | Hello, 'Meg'? |
|---|---|
| 'Meg': | Hi. |
| Me: | Great to get a hold of you. This is 'me', hired by 'some company'. How are you doing today? |
| 'Meg': | Listen, I was the victim of a very large Ponzi Scheme recently. I have absolutely no money to give you. |
| Me: | ...-_- |
| *click* |
People who talk quietly on the phone.
